ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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