do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
