D3 body, D1 cock
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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