Define "chronic" masturbator.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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