Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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