just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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