Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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