she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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