Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
