All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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