She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize