dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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