He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
