Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
