what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
