I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
