'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
