he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
