I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
