after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
