i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
