Just fell off a train. Bad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
