Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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