Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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