he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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