worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
