im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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