Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
