I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Randomize
