I wish I could teleport
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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