I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
