I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
