My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
