I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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