i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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