Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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