There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
