His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
