I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
then he tried to convert me to islam
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize