you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
