You made me cry and you don't even care
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
