Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
