I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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