I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
