"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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