so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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