she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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