Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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