Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
