He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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