i will never coherently bang her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
