And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
