i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
