Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
