I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
