chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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