I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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