Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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