drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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