Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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