He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
