i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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