Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
