i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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