Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
