Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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