we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
